What Does It Mean To Forgive?

One of the most life transforming statements of Scripture is giving in Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesians 4:31-32 when he states, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger…  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  Many people I meet, including myself have been deeply hurt by the actions of others.  Our first and natural response is often that of anger and rage at the injustice that has been forced upon us.  But in this passage, God clearly sets a different direction for us to follow that begins with setting aside the anger toward the offender.  Often when I present this passage to someone who has been hurt, they immediately object on a variety of grounds.  I believe this is because we have a distorted view of forgiveness.  Following are the marks of genuine forgiveness:

1.      Forgiveness is not conditioned on the offender seeking forgiveness or even being sorry for their actions.  If Christ is the model for our forgiveness, as this verse expresses, then we must recognize that he paid the price for our sins while we remained “enemies of God.”  God did not wait for us to seek forgiveness before offering forgiveness.

2.      Forgiveness does not excuse the evil actions of the offender.  Some have the erroneous belief that to forgive is to minimize the nature of the evil action or find excuse for why it might be justified.  God does not minimize or sin when He offers us forgiveness.  Instead, the sacrifice of His own Son, Jesus Christ emphasizes the extreme sinfulness of mankind that could only be dealt with by God’s extreme sacrifice.

3.      Forgiveness results in changed actions.  In the place of bitterness, rage and anger, we must now exhibit kindness and compassion.  Bitterness and anger are destructive forces that eat away at the victim of an offense often resulting in additional harm.  After the death of her son in a plane crash, the actress Susan Saint James stated, “Resentment is like taking poison and then expecting the other person to die.”  This resentment then must be replaced by actions that display kindness and compassion.  Note that this passage does not tell us how to feel, but how we should behave.

4.      Forgiveness is a continual process.  When Peter was contemplating the extent of forgiveness, he asked Jesus how often he should forgive and suggested a very generous limit of seven times.  Jesus response that we should forgive seventy times seven indicates that this is often a repeated process.  Past hurts may resurface and the need to forgive will be once again presented.  Isn’t it great that God placed no limits on the extent of His forgiveness?

5.      Forgiveness may not fix all of the consequences of the evil that has been done.  Even though we can be forgiven by God, we continue to live with the consequences of a fallen world and of our specific evil choices.  Relationships may not be restored, and in some cases cannot ever be safely made whole again.  Romans says that we are to “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  This would seem to indicate that in some situations it is not possible.  The result of forgiveness, however, is healing for the victim of the offense and the freedom to live without consuming anger.